Wednesday 3 February 2016

Gay and Proud, Eh?

- Prakash Das.

As I logged in on Facebook and scrolled through the Newsfeed, I saw my close friends, my not-so-close friends and my don't-know-at-all friends posting the 'news' of their lives. It was very interesting to peek into their lives; with their consent but without their awareness. Their lives revolved around a wide range of subjects. While some talked on relatively serious topics like 'Digital Equality', others let us know their difficulty in getting up from bed on a chilly January morning only to pee (I consider the latter more serious though). No amount of public and personal 'threats' would deter some Facebookians from tagging you in pictures of flowers or puppies or their pout-faced 'selfies' (on a completely 'different' note, I have joined trauma-reduction classes).

Whatever be the scenario, it suddenly dawned upon me that these people could publicly showcase their bravura only because they are backed up by their pride. Yes, that is the word - Pride!

Right from the days of kindergarten, lessons were taught (or rather imposed) regarding the need to abstain from pride. On the contrary, the action that makes others proud of us was highly desirable. Can anyone explain this seriously messed-up ideology?

Okay! By now you must be irritated by all the nonsense I made you read through. Hence, let me jump to the actual topic that I intended to write on. I have not got a well-sculpted face, not blessed with a golden voice, not inherited with embezzled wealth and certainly not with a heart-melting love story (Yes! The time to think seriously about my life has come). However, there are instances taking place around me that makes me pregnant with pride.

Just a few years back, the Supreme Court of India re-criminalised homosexuality or, for that matter, any form of unnatural sexual act. The sense of pride that ushered upon me on hearing the news  cannot be alphabetically described. After all, we human beings are empowered to judge which action is natural and which is not. Reference can be drawn regarding industrialisation. Have we not accepted it solely because it is the product of pure nature?

Another instance was when I learnt that (after going through Wikipedia and the like) there was no mention of any homosexual stuff in our magnificent scriptures. Neither have I ever heard of anyone named Shikhandi (a transgender) or Brihannala (crossed-dressed Arjuna) nor have the wise elderlies ever told me about Ayyappa (the son born out of the 'love' between Vishnu and Shiva). Therefore these must be false tales weaved up by the homosexuals.

Oh suddenly when I am typing this article in my Micromax P555 Canvas tablet, it dawned upon me that the whole concept of homosexuality is totally a western penetration inside our rich culture. India has been known worldwide to be a producer, practiser and populariser of exclusively indigenous items. We wear nothing but khadi clothes (however, skirts and trousers are permissible in some limited places like homes, schools, movies, parties, markets and the like). Even the use of foreign language like English is minimal in our country. So how can we allow any such foreign concept to impose cosmopolitan attitude on us?

My chest broadens with pride especially in train journeys. But it irritates the hell out of me to see those gruesome Hijiras asking for money. How dare they ask for MY money to fill THEIR stomach? After all those millennia of oppression and being treated like dirt, are they yet to understand that we do not feel for them? Giving alms to the 'Sanyasi' or a tip given to a waiter (who is already paid) is justified on some unexplainable 'logical' grounds. But does this mean we give money to these guys or girls or whatever (I am not even bothered to understand them)?

Thank god I am a man and not a weirdo. I am exuberantly proud of my manliness. Yes! I rejoice manliness. The gym sessions are always a pleasure. Guys with big bulging figures have always been a treat to the eyes. It 'just' pisses me off when anybody remarks something against the dashing Beckham and I 'just' admire the physique of John Abraham! And you utter so much a word against the sizzling Varun Dhawan and you will set loose demons within me. But hey! I am no gay! I simply admire man; their unmanned hair, their stern eyes, their juicy lips, their broad shoulders, their hairy chest, their rock-hard bellies, (censored) and their athletic thighs!

Induced from the above situation, I am so very proud that I accept only the binary-gendered concept. The categorisation has been intricately designed by the skilled patriarchal society. The work has been divided. However, I get confused when I see a male 'masterchef' cooking scrumptious dishes or girls going for mountaineering. But what the heck! Why take the trouble of understanding the zillion shades that exist between the two binaries (male and female)?

The idea of 'sax' (spelling it wrong out of shyness) has always been dormant in our land. We do not discuss 'it' in public nor do we practise 'it' often (the population of India is clearly an indicator). However it is completely shocking to find that there is a section of people (the Asexuals) who have NO urge at all! Watching movies of two strangers copulating is perfectly fine but having no desire to be involved in the same is sheer absurdness. I am proud of my fellow males! They have 'it' with their wives, sometimes even without their consent (Its okay buddy! Marital rape is still legal here).

I am also proud of our apt stubbornness towards gay love (I am skeptical if they even have the 'correct' notion of love). Love is divine and I accept it. But why do they need to bring it into the limelight? Can love be not exchanged behind closed doors and without making a hue and cry about it? Don't the non-gay people have their marriages with utmost silence and privacy?

Moreover, I personally feel that the celebration of being a queer through a Pride Walk is bizarre. Has anyone ever seen any straight person bragging about or displaying their love life in broad daylight? Certainly not. Well, of course, some special days should not be taken into consideration such as the Holi, the Valentine's Day or the Bihu. Moreover, we maintain a strict low profile during the festivities; the Pride Walk looks quite extravagant.

Oh did I forget to mention how proud I am when I see all the humane steps we have taken towards animals? We have organisations like the PETA and we have passed legislations like the Wildlife Protection Act, 1972. However, I see no urgency or even the necessity of getting rid of Section 377. I mean, come on, it is 'their' stuff. I am no gay, so why take the pain?

So you see, the privilege of Pride is justly enjoyed by me; the privilege comes by virtue of me being not just a human but a 'normal' human.

P.S.- People keep advising that I need to put on someone else's shoe for better perception. Hence I put on YOURS. I feel its time you bought a new pair. It's smelling and I am NOT PROUD!

Prakash Das
Cotton College
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